Forever's Confession
by Sombereyes
Summary: If she couldn't have a peaceful death, she desired a long chaotic life, filled with the love she thought she could never have. (Suzu/Haruki pairing.)
1. Chapter 1

A/N: What can I say, I really love the Suzu/Haruki pairing…I did a one shot with them before, but I felt as if not enough was addressed, as if there could be more that I could do with the pairing, so I did…that's where this comes in…this is a four shot fan fiction…I hope you enjoy…

**Forever's Confessions  
>Chapter 1 of 4<strong>

Adrift from her wits, she walked a lonely path filled with her distant memories. Each step was a recollection she thought best never to have again as her lips contorted into frown so ugly, it made her seem as that of a monster herself. Bitterness had a way of taking hold. She had promised herself not to get caught up in the things she put behind her, and while she found that a fitting thing to do, the resolution was a hard one to keep.

There was only so much she could do to keep her own morale from plummeting, and even that seemed to be not nearly enough. She kept walking anyway. Step by step, she inched closer to what ailed her.

What was the cure, and how could she obtain it? She hadn't the foggiest idea. Her faintest memories merely offered a strange sort of isolation from the world she lived in now, and she had to be honest. She had evolved along with that world, and she was no longer the timid teenager from her past. She had grown up, without looking as if she had aged a bit.

Weeks, months, years…they were all an eerie nightmare murmured at the nape of her neck, caressing gooseflesh skin in terrifying ways.

She wasn't a murderer, but, the temptation to spend her life in a normal way was too much. It was like holding a steak in front of a malnourished dog, no one within their right mind would taunt a creature in such a way, least it rightfully lash out to bite the hand tormenting it.

She would never be normal though, and that tore violently against her core being. It was like a lancet purging acid from her very gut. She knew…and yet, it did nothing to ease her, to warm her. She was alone, and no god could save her. There was no faith in the undying, no reason to believe a god would eventually wrap their merciful hands around her in unfathomable welcome. For her there was no promised day, or retribution.

The pretty words in the bible were merely bedtime stories to her, and, in spite of her dearest desire to have faith, she knew better.

"They're a nice story." She smiled sadly when she came to a well-known place where her beloved now slept, never to wake again, as she tended the grave marker with gentleness. "I will not look back, but, you do not deserve to be abandoned." She told the spirit she hoped would hear her. "You're so cruel, but, I can accept that." Suzu breathed leaving behind a flower, some sake, and the bible she had purchased in hopes of finding God.

"What I can't accept is that the living continue to eye me with concern." She told the grave marker before addressing a more tangible presence in her life. "You don't need to keep watching me." She said then, eyes closed as the figure behind her startled. "I'm alright."

"I wonder." The woman replied evenly, pushing her glasses carefully up the bridge of her nose. "You've been acting strangely."

"Have I?" Suzu murmured cryptically. "To be honest, I haven't noticed."

"Perhaps strangely isn't the best word." Without thinking about it, her fingers glided around the cool metal of the cross perched around her neck. "Something's up, I can feel it in my blood."

"You're a good friend, Kouko." Suzu said quietly as she turned to face the woman. "Do you truly need to leave?"

"I can't stay here, the more I do, the more I risk being seen." Spoken as a true killer, and a woman wishing no more than freedom. "You could come with me, couldn't you?"

"I wish that were the case." Suzu said softly, placing her hand ever so gently on the grave marker. "My past and ultimate future is here, I doubt I would ever feel whole anyplace else." With a sad, self-deprecating smile, she forced a confidence to the surface she simply didn't have. "There are too many years watching this one place change. If I were to leave, I would have to throw all of those images away."

"I see. Well then, may God help you rest one day." Kouko sadly stepped closer, her shoes clicking on the cobbled pathway covered in fallen leaves. "Suzu, there are many things I wish I could say. Speaking those things to you of all people, well, it seems as if it would be absolutely worthless." She bowed only a little, easy and serene. "I wish you a quick death that lacks even suffering."

"Thank you." Suzu told her with a nod. "However, I fear that will not be the case."

"If you wanted…" Kouko looked away in shame, producing a handgun with a silencer, not exactly feeling comforted by her own offer. "Before I go, I could gift you this one escape. I care enough for you, that I would end this eternity you can't find peace from. I can be that mercy you so crave, if you wish it."

"Kouko…" Suzu murmured tightly as her throat constricted with an emotion that boarded of relief. It was not the first offer she received of the nature, but, for it to have come from one as devout, as caring as Kouko could be, it brought tears of joy in her eyes. Even so, a sense of sorrow filled her heart, dismayed at the burden Kouko was willing to partake. "Thank you…" She said, embracing the woman clad in black. Kissing her atop the forehead, Suzu clung tightly. "Thank you for worrying about me, but my life is my burden to bear."

"Too long." Kouko said, pressing her point. "How much longer can you go on like this?"

I haven't a clue." Suzu answered, overwhelmed by the severity of that very question. It haunted her every day. "I will not ask you to endure the pain of ending it."

"I would sleep easily at night, knowing you are not miserable." Kouko said honestly. "It is my job to ease the pain of others."

"That may be true, but you would curse yourself for eternity." Suzu told her. "You wouldn't take well to ending me. It would stick to you." Then, Suzu chuckled a bit. "You were never meant to be a killer."

"Perhaps not, but it is what I am." Kouko replied, holstering her gun. "I doubt a person can change so easily, I'll probably always be this way."

Suzu gave a small, understanding nod. "You will grow old one day, and you will die. I can't allow you to live with regrets on my behalf." She weaved her fingertips gently through the dark raven tresses. "You will go and live your life freely. That is what you should do."

"And, you?" Kouko nearly barked, astounded Suzu could be so calm about that, even now.

The blue haired girl shrugged. "I shall stay, and I shall live to carry the countless memories of those I've loved and lost." There was nothing else for her to do, but there was a small part of her that was okay with that outcome.

"You will remain locked in this cycle, willingly?" Kouko shook her head as she pulled away, turning her back to hide the tears. "How can I condone that?"

"God doesn't wait for me, Kouko." Suzu said with a gentleness in her words. "He doesn't want me, so heaven's doors will never open for a person such as myself." It was the only conclusion Suzu had come to in all of these years. "I will be content to know that you have lived a full and happy life without regrets, and that you will die in my place one day. That, my friend, is enough for me."

"Live well Suzu." Kouko said quietly in resignation, a murmured breath upon the breeze. "Find an end."

"And you seek a bright future for yourself." Suzu returned with just as much difficultly, as she too, turned away from one of the dearest friends she'd ever had. "Run, Kouko…don't look back on me."

That was precisely what Kouko did, as she had no other choice to maintain a good life. She was being hunted daily, like an unchained beast running rampant with reckless abandon, even if that wasn't truly the case. She would be taken out if she stayed here, no amount of protections would shield her forever.

Suzu knew that, in spite of then pang that dripped into her heart with every breath, the pulsing best drumming angst her ribs, begging its master to run after the girl. Suzu knew, doing so would only be a hindrance, and, her very world was one that lay dormant inside of her homeland, a place Kouko surely couldn't stay.

Licking her lips, tasting the salt at the corners of her mouth, she swallowed hard, forcing away yet another painful farewell. "Sorry...Kouko." She said to no one there.

The woman had left, leaving Suzu to follow through with mundane uneventfulness. Same old convolutedly tired ideals, practiced routines, and day after day of mind numbing hours that passed her by. A lonely apartment, meals shared with only silence, a part time job taken out of boredom alone, dinner spent quietly, a drink before bed.

It was ultimately what drove Suzu to the gentle madness of desiring escape the first time. The road that encouraged her to want to rip life away from the girl named Haru, in the faint hope that in doing so, she would find a natural end to her illness.

That she, like everyone else in the world, would grow old and die. Normalcy among the abnormal. An end, where there was only a start.

It was another lonely evening, walking down the same quiet streets with a plastic bag in hand of packaged meat, and a few vegetables. "Let her go, bastard!" A shout called out, drawing Suzu's attention to a rather disturbing sight, one she'd seen often enough throughout the countless decades that she could no longer track on her fingers alone. "Did you hear me, I said, let my little sister go!"

A young boy, struggling against others his own size, a small fist fight breaking out as they pushed the young girl onto the ground.

It wasn't really her concern, but with a sigh that carried though all of her years of life and more, she went over, grabbing the scrapping children by the collars of their shirts without hesitation. "Fighting isn't really a good idea." She said to them, both wide-eyed as she shocked them from their intent, scraped knees and rumpled shirts aside, they'd be alright. "You'll get into more trouble that way." She set them down, and looked over to the young girl, noticing that her brother ran to her side as soon as he was able.

"You shouldn't pick on girls." She finally said aloofly to the other boy, a smile lingering in her eyes even if it didn't show on her face. He was going to be bruised, that was for sure. He nodded and ran off, and she merely let him. It was getting late, and feeling a well-known pang of responsibility, she put her hands on her hips. "Well, the last train left the station an hour ago. Where are you two headed?"

"Home." The boy said, though one look at his shopping bags strewn around the place indicated his meal was ruined. "Sis is going to kill me…" He sighed, picking up the stomped on fruit, and the torn package of stir-fry vegetables, a bottle of oyster sauce broken on the pavement.

"No she won't." His little sister told him, clutching onto his hand before he could pick up the glass. "She'll be mad if we don't get home before dark. She worries."

"I'll take you." Suzu said, knowing she couldn't simply let the boy walk home with a small girl all on his own. "Where do you live?"

"Not too far." His words lacked confidence as he looked down and the ground and sighed, watching as Suzu cleaned up the broken glass carefully. Sure to take his little sister's hand in his own he looked away in shame. "We belong to the Sagae house, at the end of that street." He pointed in the direction.

"Sagae…" Suzu bit her lip. "You live in that beat up old wreck?" The child nodded, and Suzu cursed under her breath. What troubled her more was the family name that was so familiar to her. "Any relation to Haruki Sagae?"

"Yeah!" The boy said excitedly as they began to walk, finally a smile on his face for the first time. "That's our big sister. I'm Aki, and this here is Jun."

"Well, it's nice to meet both of you. I'm Suzu Shutou." The woman of short icy hair said with a nod. "I was a classmate of Haruki's for a short time." As they passed by the houses one by one, Suzu knew that this was an older end of the suburban area. There wasn't much farmland here anymore. There once was when she was a small child. Now, there was nothing left of those days, and all of the houses could do with being demolished, in her humbled opinion.

Still, the history wasn't lost on her, nor the harsh realities. This road was once a place well-traveled that she loved.

Now it carried only the hints of old, forgotten promises, memories that she could no longer grasp onto, try though she might. Stopping at the house, she let the children guide her along, beyond the wooden gate that had seen better days, the small home merely shambles of its former glory. "Sister, we're home!" Aki called out, knocking on the door with enough force to rattle the rusted hinges.

"So I hear." An exasperated woman sighed loudly enough to be heard beyond the rotting wood. "What have I told you about making such a fuss? Walk in the house, Aki." The lecture was a muffled one as Haruki swung the door open, surprise catching her. "…Suzu…?" She hadn't expected the visitor.

"It was getting late." She nodded with an easygoing smile. "I just wanted to be sure they got home safe." She took a quick glance around. "This is not the safest place to be at night."

"No, you're right." Haruki agreed, uneasily opening the door, a show of hospitality that wasn't completely confidant. "I don't have much, but the least I can do is offer some tea."

"No…you can't." The boy said, clinging into his sister shyly…shame in his eyes. "We lost some of the groceries."

"Another fight?" Haruki shook her head. "Aki, you know better."

"Water will do just fine." Suzu said then, as she pushed the bag she had bought into Haruki's arms. "We can make a dinner from this."

"What?" Haruki shook her head. "There's no way…I couldn't possibly…"

"Shut up." Suzu said closing her eyes. "Just take the food." She looked down at the little girl named Jun, who was very much a smaller image of the eldest sister. "They need it more than I do."

Haruki nodded guiltily. "Then, at least join us."

"I shall…" The house looked of nothing like it used to in the old days. An old family home, one that had lingered for generations. Not even the wall paper was the same. A soft smile came to her lips when she entered the kitchen and she saw an old carving remained embedded in the wood. "You know, they say carving a name into a home brings good luck."

"Oh that?" Haruki looked over Suzu's shoulder, seeing the carved names that she couldn't remember. "Yeah, kind of funny huh? Someone shared the same name as you." She laughed as she went to work chopping vegetables. "Great granddad's old first girlfriend, I think. I always thought it was weird that they never sanded it off."

"Well, according to mom, the woman he married was actually friends with that girl." A younger teen said as she walked into the kitchen, a small child on her hip. "Who's your friend?"

"A buddy from school." Haruki grinned, as she stole a red box from her sister's grip. A long chocolate stick protruded from the foil within. Haruki partook it with her teeth as one might the butt of a cigarette. "Fuyuka, can you go wash the rice, I'm trying to get dinner started."

"No, please allow me." Suzu said, taking the bowl from the counter. "I'm a freeloader after all, it makes sense that I do it." Then she gave Haruki a smile that spoke of her nervousness to be here. "I'd have to do this anyway if I was to make my own dinner."

"Well, if you want." Haruki said slowly, as she prepared some hot water, squeezing lemon into it. "Fuyuka give this to mom." It was more a demand than a request as she handed the warmed cup off to her sister. "Ask her if she would like to take her meal in bed tonight too, she hasn't been feeling well today."

"Yeah, alright." Fuyuka sighed, her mind filled with all of the homework she knew she had to get done tonight to keep her grades up. "I know the drill, you don't have to lecture me about basic stuff."

"Then do it…" Haruki shot back. "You're the second oldest, Fuyuka, you've got to help out around here a bit more." Then she took the baby from her sister's arms, putting the little girl in a high chair, and poured some finger snacks onto the tray to appease the youngest member of the house. "Sorry about everything, Suzu, it gets a bit nuts around dinner time."

"I gathered that, but really, I don't mind." In fact, it was refreshing to be around the craziness of a large family, hectic though it could sometimes be. Her eyes wandered back over to the carving on the wall and smiled. It was exactly like old times. A house full of racket, a closely knit group of people, boisterous and blind to the cold that the outside could bring in.

Dinner was prepared and served in that same manner, Haruki and her nine siblings crowding around an all too small table in such a casual way, some proper manners were lost to them. It didn't seem to matter as the trouble that had lingering in Haruki's eyes faded away into an all too rare type of joy. Perhaps it was flawed, but, there was enough strictness in their lives. Suzu felt as if she could overlook table manners in the cramped space, if for those few fleeting moments, calmness entered Haruki's eyes.

The sight was hard to leave behind.

At night, when she returned to her apartment, loneliness settled in, and she sighed. Her fingers tracing along an old, black and white photograph of times long gone. Sagae was a family she left behind when her lover grew older, married and had a family of his own…it was strange in that way, seeing Haruki, knowing that she was so much the same as her great grandfather. That same type of kind, unwavering spirit within her.

The glass around the frame was yellowed with age, but as she tapped it with her finger, she felt as if maybe, somehow he might be able to hear her. She prayed for that, even if it was futile at best. "Forgive me…I know you never meant to move on and leave me here." She said to the photograph, as if the man in the still frame still loved her in spite of everything, believing that was merely a fabrication of her dreams. "I know I'm being selfish, but it's the family I should have had. Now that I've seen it, I refuse to just leave it behind again."

She prayed that he could hear her apology, but deep inside, she knew that even such a thing as that would come at a great price, one that she was unsure she would be willing to pay. Their romance from long ago scorned her. It burned so terribly that it left her feeling kissed by the hells itself, and she couldn't let go of that image in her mind…

...the one of him, holding his first born, with his wife at his side...

Being replaced was an easy thing to endure, but, forcing herself to remain a good friend in spite of that…in spite of her love, in spite of her illness, and in spite of her desire to be loved as the woman she knew she was…well, that was a bit more difficult. She wanted what she had today, every day…without question, or remorse.

The table, filled with people…with family…the desire consumed her as a stray tear, emotion she thought she had locked away came to the surface. Instead of sadness, it felt like a lingering and kind relief…acceptance mingling with hope, foolish though it was.

She slept with such a peaceful thought, her dreams carrying her back to what she felt should have been…her life, if it had been blessed by mortality.

She would have grown up a woman able to tend the long stretches of fields. She would have become a wonderful cook and seamstress, striving to become a fitting wife. She would have married that man who lingered in her heart, made loved to him, and carried his children dutifully. She would have mothered them with strictness and fairness, a household filled with love and care. She would have watched them find their sweet romance, marry, and carry offspring of their own, if time would have allowed.

Then…god willing…the one thing she was deprived of most would take place. Healthcare, not being as advanced as it was now, would have afforded her a simple death, surrounded by her loved ones. Children and grandchildren would have been at her side as she rested upon her deathbed, gifting final goodbyes.

It's what Suzu wanted most of all, the flow of life, and how it should have been.

In truth, it was never meant to be. She had watched the man she loved from afar, and even saw that his children grew up well…and then, his children's children before it became too much to bear. With pain in her very soul, she forced herself to turn a blind eye to that family.

Regretting it now that she knew Haruki, and her many brothers and sisters…Suzu wanted to watch over that family once again…protect them, hold them, and provide what little her tormented heart could. If that would send her to the pit of hell, she felt as if at least that much would be a redemption.

Even in spite of her wish to stand by the side of the Sagae family once again, she hadn't the slightest idea of how to go about including herself in such a place. She wanted more than to simply be a casual acquaintance, but felt as if such a task was to be impossible. For a long time, she agonized over what to do, and how best to look after them.

One morning, having toiled endlessly in her mind with no solution, she showed up at the house unexpected. Slipping a wad of notes from her saving account into the mail slot, a simple, unaddressed letter attached. She left again without even a simple knock at the door.

_-I know this will not cover the bills that your family has, as those will take years to pay off at this rate, and I know debt runs deep. Even so, it is my responsibility to keep you fed and clothed. It's my job, one I should have owned up to a long time ago…please accept this…please. It's the least I can do. –_

She felt as if maybe the action in and of itself it would be enough to quell the urge to simply walk into the front door and embrace all of the little ones, begging for forgiveness at Haruki's feet for being so blind. If only she had known about their struggles, she knew, deep down, she would have done more sooner. Even if she felt the need to do so, she felt an even stronger pang in her heart tug at her.

The thought that she would be unwanted and unnecessary kept her away, least she rip open the old, painful scars.

A few months went by like that…leaving gifts of food, money, and occasionally a luxury of a bag of candies or two for the children. Sometimes bubble gum, occasionally a ball, truck, or doll from the corner store for them to share. It seemed like so little, but from afar, she knew it had changed the family so much. The simple joys were ones she noticed even in the house itself, new windows without cracks and a new front door that had a fresh coat of paint. They even had a roof that wouldn't leak…so much, in so short a time.

She was an expert when it came to living in the shadows, but, so was Haruki. Suzu had forgotten that. Fall gave way to winter, and it was foretold to be a cold one that year...Suzu hadn't expect, however, just how could in could be when one kept an eye on the warmth within a happy home...

"Suzu…" On a chilly winter's morning, when she deposited two children's coats on the front door with her most recent paycheck, she was found out. "Is that you?"

A bit ashamed, she nodded. "Yes, it's me." She pushed down the hood to her own coat, licking her lips, her breath leaving puffs of cloud in the bitter wind. "I wanted to help out a bit, you know?"

"You left the letter…" It was more a cold accusation than anything, but in the dim light of the morning, Haruki saw Suzu nod the affirmative. "You didn't have to worry about us. I'm thankful, really…" Haruki said, her cheeks coloring rosy pink from the nippy air. "But, I think you should worry more about yourself now."

"If I had any reason to, I would." Suzu said as she stepped nearer to Haruki, inwardly flinching at what she feared to be dismissal. "I…I just don't need very much, I have everything I need." She looked down at the thin sheet of snow that blanked the area, and frowned. "I thought…maybe the kids were getting a little cold…I..I couldn't get a hold of other coats yet, but once I do I'll bring those too."

"Please, you don't have to do that. It's too generous." Haruki replied quickly, confused by the pain in Suzu's eyes, and the raw desperation she found there. "It's my family…so…" Haruki averted her eyes shyly. "I'm grateful to you, but, I know I won't ever be able to repay all of this…I thought…maybe…" Haruki shook her head. "I thought that the person who wrote the letter was a distant relative, or something."

"Well, that may not be so far from the truth." Suzu admitted hesitantly. "You know, there was once someone very important to me, and he lived here, right in this very place. I promised him, I would never forget him, even as he lay dying." She looked up from the ground. "You have his eyes. They glimmer the same way. You have his smile too." Then, as she pushed her short tendrils of hair away from her face, she thought back to the boy with ruddy tresses. "Aki looks a lot like him. The Sagae genes must run particularly strong."

"I'm sorry…I don't get it." Haruki said with a shake of her head, and a nervous laugh. "You knew someone in my family? It wasn't my dad, was it?"

Suzu just shook her head, and stuffed her hands into her pockets. "Look up something called Highlander's Syndrome, then, if you're still interested, come talk to me." She said, handing Haruki a folded piece of paper with her address on it. "Come alone…" She looked at the house, and back to Haruki. "They don't need to hear what I have to say, but…maybe you do."

"No…" Haruki shook her head, grabbing hold of that cold hand. "You tell me, yourself."

Several moments passed between them, Suzu not daring to say a word, even as Haruki's grip grew tighter. It was cold out, too cold to be caught up in an inward conflict about what she should do. They couldn't remain in this awkward stance forever, and Suzu finally nodded. "Highlander's Syndrome is an illness that gives suffers a long, protracted death. Beyond a particular point, a body can't age any further, although the person afflicted with the illness lives on." Suzu explained with a sigh, regretting her choice to even speak the illness's name. "Regardless of their body clock, they are unable age and die a normal death. However, normal illness can, and will take its toll."

"Sounds harsh." Haruki said, letting go of the hand she held, slowly trying to take in what she had been told. "And you have that?"

"Yes." Suzu said with a shrug, trying to push away her discomfort. "It isn't that big of a deal, but, old habits die hard, I guess." It was a façade, she knew…but she couldn't bring herself to speak truthfully about how much it really pained her. "People with the illness live a long time. We never seem to escape our youth until we die of some sort of unnatural cause."

Lost by that and unsure about the truth of those statements, or how they pertained to her family, Haruki dragged her lower lip between her teeth hesitantly. "Umm…look, I was never really good in biology, and I'm not a doctor." Haruki said quietly. "But I've got to get the kids ready for school, so I don't have time for complicated things right now." She finally decided, taking Suzu's wrist again. "You're staying for breakfast."

"Wait…Haruki…" Suzu didn't let herself get pulled along, actually straining against the somewhat painful hold. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"I'm the one in charge, and I say it'll be okay." Haruki said, tilting her head towards the house. "We can worry about all that other stuff later, the kids are probably waking up about now. I know they're going to be hungry."

"You're sure?" Suzu asked.

"I wouldn't have offered otherwise." Haruki said insistently. "Besides, I owe you a lot." She nodded again to the house. "So, come on already…"

…

Weeks went by like that, with no real questions asked, and no true answers given.

Maybe it was because of the hesitancy to ruin a good thing, or the fact that she hadn't seen her brothers and sisters so happy in a long time, but, Haruki didn't ask more about Suzu's illness, or what it might have meant. Instead, they spent their time leisurely, though, it was a shared understanding that silence couldn't go on forever. Eventually, someone would have to break and bring up the subject again.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like help?" Suzu asked one afternoon when the bitter cold canceled school and put the construction company a few days behind, leaving Haruki out of work until the snow cleared. "I don't mind staying."

Haruki paused, the carrot she was chopping left to sit only half diced as she delicately put the knife down. "No, I can manage." She said, using her apron to dry her hands. "You have work today, don't you?" She picked up her youngest sister that had crawled to her feet, insistently tugging on her socks. Haruki sighed, putting the small child in a terrycloth wrapping that tied her securely in place at her back.

"It's tedious." Suzu replied, meticulously washing the rice that sat in the bowl. "I don't really need the money, I'm not exactly loaded or anything, but, a person in my condition gets by." Then, as if a thought came to mind, she shook her head, a bitter smile playing on her lips. "You never did ask me...about him."

"Him?" Haruki went back to cutting the carrot, sometimes taking a small piece and gifting to the youngster who seemed all too interested in what her big sister was doing.

"Your great grandfather." Suzu murmured, her voice low. "I know you've been wanting to know about him."

"My family history is pretty complicated." Haruki pointed out. "I never really took the time to think about it."

"He was a good man, I grew up with him." Suzu said without missing a beat, dumping the rice into the cooker and then starting up the skillet on the small, two burner stove. "He had a good head on his shoulders. He was born from a very strict father, and a doting mother. I remember thinking to myself that his family was perfect. He was a troublesome boy, at first. Gave us girls hell, but, as he got older, he grew stern…and very wise." Her voice got quiet as she began to sauté the vegetables, turning to Haruki for a mere moment. "He was the kind of man that expected order, but, he was also gentle and kind...he died young."

"It must have been hard." Haruki said sadly. "Having to watch him leave you behind."

Suzu smiled, but it was one that came at great difficulty. "It's always hard. It doesn't get any easier, but, maybe that's my fault for being so weak."

"So…then if you can't get any older by your looks, how old are you?" It was something Haruki wanted to know, and, had feared bringing up before.

"I wonder that myself sometimes." Suzu said with a laugh. "It's been so long…probably about a hundred and twenty or something close to that." She shrugged, tossing the vegetables in the hot skillet. "It's not relevant anyway, my age changes nothing. It's everything else that doesn't stay the same." When the baby on Haruki's back started to fuss, it was Suzu who picked up the little girl, putting her on the hip furthest from the burners.

"You're good with children." Haruki murmured, a stray thought that had lingered for a while.

"Well, when you've had as long as I've do to practice, it's a natural thing." Suzu said without missing a beat. "Back when I was your age, there wasn't a lot in the way of modern convinces. This entire area was rolling hills and farmlands. Most of us were poor, so we cooked over fires with cast-iron pots." Thinking back, it amused her just how far such a place had come. "It seemed like most of us had a baby strapped onto us somehow when we were in the fields. Some people had one in the back, and one in the front."

"Sounds like you had a busy, but close community." Haruki said, hearing the door crash open, a rucks starting in the living room, where Fuyuka began to scold the boys for tracking snow all through the house. "Guys!" Haruki barked, half leaning into the living room. "Keep it down, mom's trying to sleep." She said, much more quietly this that time. "So, as you were saying?"

"Oh, nothing really. That's how it was meant to be, I suppose." Suzu laughed, though in truth she wasn't sure how close it really was. "That was a time laced with superstition, and family came first. It's amazing how much changes in ten years, let alone a hundred."

"Haruki!" The calm of the kitchen was broken as soon as her little brother came flying into the room, tears across his face as he pointed to his leg. "Look at what Dai did to me."

Rolling her eyes, Haruki picked up her little brother setting him on the counter top. "Did he push you down because he was trying to, or were you playing rough again?"

"What do you think, sis?" One of the older boys sighed. "Hey Suzu, didn't think you'd be here on a day like today."

"She's always here, Dai." Haruki sighed, wetting a cool cloth to give to Aki. "How did that happen?" She asked, nodding towards the slightly bleeding knee.

"Oh, he was trying to play fight with me, told him he'd end up getting hurt. The pipsqueak wouldn't listen though, serves him right." He crossed his arms, not really minding the look his sister flung at him. "Don't look at me like that, Aki's should be able to hold his own, it's a guy thing." Dai said with a grin, as if that would save him. "Girl's wouldn't understand."

"We'll see how much I understand when I knock you onto your butt, Dai." Haruki warned, her fist clenched, as she grabbed into the top of his short mane of unkempt dark hair. "Now, do you want to play this game with me?" She asked him, getting right in his face.

"Come on sis." Dai said, trying to shrink away. "It was just a joke."

"I'm not playing." She told him, a full scowl on her otherwise beautiful face, as she gave one more tug to her little brother's hair, just to make her point as he winced. "I don't care if you and the others get a little dumb every now and then, but leave Aki out of it, he's just a little guy." As she said then, she deposited the boy back onto the floor and crossed her arms at him, kneeling down to his level. "And you shouldn't be picking fights with your brothers, you know better, Aki." She told him, swatting him on the butt gently, but with purpose. "Out of my kitchen, now." She said, shooing them off. "And keep it down while mom's trying to sleep."

"Boys will be boys." Suzu said with a shrug, having watched the exchange.

"One of these days, I'm going to lay Dai flat out on his ass." Haruki ranted with a frustrated sigh. "I don't know how many times I keep telling him not to harass he little brother." With closed yes, she reached her hand into her pocket to get the red box of pocky out, and pulled out a long stick. "They're going to drive me to drink."

"You love it." Suzu said with a grin, though, she was sure there was some truth to that.

"Correction, I love them." Haruki amended as she got back to dealing with dinner. "I could really do without all the drama."

"You keep saying that." Suzu murmured to her. "You can't have one without the other."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Whenever I need to bring myself into the mindset of Suzu, I listen to Veela's acoustic rendition of "mocking Blue" on youtube. It really just speaks to me…give it a listen if you haven't. It's a good song. Kind of sad, kind of sensual, and just a little dark. It's a strange combination, and one that really sticks out to me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter…it's perhaps a little slower than the first, but, weighted all the same…I enjoy that type of writing style the most.

**Forever's Confession  
>Chapter 2 of 4<strong>

When did it happen? When had she become so complacent? When did dreams become desire? When did the things she want start to change? Those questions were so close to her, while the answers seemed so far away.

A weightless burden, whispers she couldn't forget seemed to dissipate. They turned to fog in her mind. Smoke filled haze that slipped into nothingness. What used to be shattered sighs in her sleep, changed to heated murmurs. Baited breath hitched from something distant...but not unpleasant.

Ever so slowly, she found herself less lonely. There was a time, not so long ago, when the man's picture at her bedside sat all by itself. Alone, and collecting dust around it. She once favored that one photograph above all else.

Now there were drawings on paper stuffed into a folder, a few photos of the children, and one of an ailing woman. There was even one photo with Haruki. The girl was just sitting there casually, with that silly stick of cholate covered cookie hanging from her mouth. A small smirk on her features. Contented, and at ease.

It seemed so fast to Suzu…a blink of an eye.

As she rested there, she collected her breath, and forced out a sigh. She ran her fingers over her lips, where her dream ghosted there. A soft kiss from unsure lips that were not her own. The scent of blossoms, an unsure little laugh. Those were the things she remembered…her first kiss was a lot like that…and as it played in her sleep over and over, she realized upon waking that it was not always the same dream.

The boy that kissed her was no longer a boy…the shadowed image that she once clung to, was no longer a shadow…she shook her head and grabbed her phone, sending a text to the woman who haunted her so expertly.

Still, Suzu had to wonder, when did her dream change?

…

Haruki was also suffering a sleepless night.

Their house wasn't particularly large. Although that downfall often added to the cozy atmosphere, some things were made difficult by its small size. There was a lack of bedrooms, for one obvious problem. As Dai kicked his foot out in his sleep, Haruki winced. There were some nights when she wondered how she got any sleep at all.

She missed the school, and black class more than she wanted to admit. It was one of the rare times in her life she ever had a sound rest. It was also the first time she could act her own age, without children tying her down at every turn. Now that she was back at home, there were times she felt overwhelmed trying to make ends meet...forcing herself to play the role her father wasn't there to play.

The disciplinarian, the breadwinner, the coddler, the home work helper.

She had no small amount of anxiety over it. She worried constantly. Everything she did, she did for her family…the one constant thing that needed her to be strong. Needed her unwavering resolve to make things work out, no matter what. She loved her family more than her own life, and would do anything for them, even if it meant another sleepless night.

She sighed, leaning perfectly still on the wall. A pillow propping her head up, and a blanket nestled around her. She dared not to move, fearing the toddler curled on her lap might actually wake thinking that it was time to play. When the clock only read five in the morning, Haruki cursed sleepily.

Stifling a yawn, she closed her eyes, one arm curled around the sleeping youngster, and another resting on Aki's back as he rolled into her side for cuddles and warmth. From the corner of her eye, she could see the bedroom light flicker on, indicating Fuyuka was up. The rustling of papers and books spoke of studying. It was a smart move considering this was the only quiet time they'd have until late night. She could hear her mother give a few quiet coughs from her bed at the end of the hall, and most of the other children rested haphazardly wherever they happened to fall at bedtime.

Truth be told, they needed a bigger house, but, since that was impossible, Haruki settled for the thought that maybe they should buy bunk beds. It was a thought that drilled its way into her mind just as insistently as Dai's foot. He kicked at anything that tickled it.

It wasn't long before her phone lit up, though it was set on silent, a text message blinking on her screen. She flipped up the locked screen, and opened it.

_-Be over soon to help the kids get ready for school. I'll help with breakfast too, so let Fuyuka study a bit more for exams. You know they're not easy.-_

It was funny how such a short text could bring a smile to Haruki's face. A warmth that she hadn't quite experienced before to gathered up in her chest. It wasn't exactly excitement, Haruki was sure, but the identity of the feeling eluded her all the same. Her thumbs idly tapped out a reply, wondering if Suzu actually felt the same way, or if Haruki was alone with her thoughts on the matter.

_-Alright. Just be careful coming in. Just so you know, there's ice outside the door. Key is in the usual place.-_

Very carefully, she rolled Aki back over onto his pillow, smirking at the fact that he was one of the few children who slept like a log. The baby on the other hand was going to be tricky, and with baited breath, Haruki attempted to hold the little girl to her chest gently as she moved.

She held her breath, afraid to make any sudden motions that might wake the youngster from sleep.

Passing into the bedroom, she ever so carefully put the baby in the bouncer that always sat to the side of Fukuka's desk. Both sisters wordlessly nodded to each other in understanding. Then, like usual Haruki headed into the bathroom, demanding to be the first in the shower out of necessity alone. By the time she was out and dressed, Suzu was in the kitchen getting breakfast started.

"You don't have to come every morning." Haruki murmured quietly, her voice hushed so that she wouldn't wake anyone up. "I'm glad you do, but it's not like we can't manage if you want to sleep in every now and then."

"Don't worry so much about me. I've decided someone should look after some of the domestic duties." Suzu replied back, putting a cup of warmed tea and a meager bowl of rice porridge onto a tray for Haruki's mother, slicing some fruit to put on the side. "If I don't, who's going to look after you?"

"I'm more than capable of keeping my head above water, thank you." She said, even when the grin she had on spoke otherwise. "Well, I suppose it can't be helped."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Suzu murmured, eyebrow raised.

"Can't keep a loitering busybody like you away for long anyway." Haruki returned as she took the tray in hand and stepped through into her mother's bedroom. The woman was thankfully still fast asleep. A few of the younger children curled near their mother. Haruki sighed, but shook her head, unwilling to move them. "I'm off today." Haruki said, walking back into the kitchen. "But, I really think I should try to pick up more hours, if I can."

"You need time off too." Suzu said sternly, true concern in her tone. "We can get the kids off to school, and then you can finally enjoy a few hours without screaming or loud machinery."

Haruki nodded, looking over to the corner of the room, where the latest batch of sewing awaited her. "I do have quite a bit to get done, don't I?" It seemed a bit overwhelming, truth be told. She started sorting through the basket. "Sometimes I wonder how they manage to do the crap that they do." She said, lifting one of the pairs of jeans eyelevel. She could fit three fingers through a hole made in the butt pocket. "And these are only Aki's, Dai's are even worse."

"It shouldn't take up too much time." Suzu answered. "I know quite a bit about mending old clothes."

"I suppose that might be true." Haruki agreed, and put the linens that demanded her attention away. "I'm going to send in Fuyuka to come help with breakfast. I need to start getting the little ones up and dressed."

"Let her study." Suzu ordered with a shake of her head. "I can take care of breakfast, Haruki. Just make sure the mob of children aren't trying to hunt me down while they're waiting for it."

Haruki laughed at that, and grinned. "We'll see about that. Hungry kids are the worst…"

…

With the young ones off to school, Haruki's frail mother had a few hours of peace and quiet. She spent it in the common room with Haruki and Suzu, enjoying more sophisticated conversation than merely what new toy or game was the latest craze. The woman loved her many children, but they were taxing on the mind as well as the body.

It was a nice change of pace, welcome in that she didn't have to put on airs. Haruki was well aware of her mother's ailing health. Even as the woman struggled to knit to pass the time, at least she seemed to take comfort in the activity.

"I remember a time when you were this small." The woman said, a tiny smile playing on her features as she held up the sweater she tended to. "So boisterous as a baby. In fact, it was always your way. You demanded to make your opinion known. Your father was sure you'd be a boy with all the tumbling about that you did while in the womb."

"Mom…" Haruki muttered with a near bark. She bit a piece of black string she was using to mend the seat of her brother's uniform with. "Can't we talk about something else?"

"Consider it payback." She shrugged, averting her gaze to an amused Suzu. "I'm sure your mother embarrasses you in front of your friends all the time, now doesn't she? It is a mother's right, after all."

"She used to." Suzu said with a faint smile. "Back when my mother was alive, that is."

"I'm sorry dear." Haruki's mother sighed, suddenly feeling terribly guilty. "I didn't know."

"Don't be. It was a long time ago. I enjoy thinking of her." Suzu said with a shake of her head. "To be honest, she and I were very close." Admittedly, the woman would never know how truthful that particular statement was...time had ran away from her. Suzu was content to let it stay that way. "She used to nag me and my friends. We got into all sorts of trouble, of course. I'm sure that we left her frazzled more often than not." She paused to take a sip of tea, and then looked at the threat and needle that brought back such fond memories. "She was very frustrated in me, I'm sure, considering I never excelled in household duties."

"Well, I'm none the wiser." Haruki said then with a smirk, holding up two pieces of fabric. "You're able to mend clothes better than I do."

"That's where due diligence paid off." Suzu laughed, feeling as though time had been the largest attribute to her skill. Knowingly she lifted her gaze to Haruki. "You're quite good, considering you don't look as if you would be…but, images are always deceptive, so I shouldn't be surprised."

"Don't let her fool you." Haruki's mother laughed. "I still can't leave her alone with the ironing."

"Mom!" Haruki barked again, this time through an embarrassed smirk. "God, just stop."

Ignoring her daughter, she bowed to Suzu. "I really should thank you. For the time you take to help us out. I'm sure there's plenty of other things a girl your age would rather be doing." Then with a self-deprecating shake of her head, she looked over to her daughter. "I've told Haruki the same thing, but as you might have guessed, she just rolls her eyes at me."

"My mother used to tell me that a daughter should do that. I was very unsure of myself back then. I'm sure she said it to give me confidence." Suzu replied easily, a distant fondness in her words. "They should be difficult, because a woman's heart is also a difficult thing to fully understand."

There was a tired look in the woman's eyes, and it was shortly thereafter that she went to rest, leaving the girls to themselves for the afternoon. They continued to sew, and clean up around the house…but mostly, they sat and chatted. At first, it was simple little details pertaining to the household's daily routine. Haruki ranted about her siblings with her usual vigor. Anger and frustration mixing with the love she had for all of them. There were moments when the baby demanded attention, but other than that, the slowness of the day eventually caught up to them.

It was then, in the stillness of the afternoon, that the pressing question came up. It lingered between them quietly scratching at the both of them, even though neither of them truly had an answer. Why stick around? Why get close to people who are only going to leave her behind? Why give a damn?

"Convenience." Suzu had said to the question at hand. "Relationships, although fleeting, are merely that."

"Yeah, but won't it suck? I mean, just watching everyone you care about slowly die?" Haruki shook her head. "I wouldn't put up with that. If I were you, I would be long gone."

Suzu nodded, and in a rare show of her true age, she leaned back heavily on the wall. "You could say its normalcy though. After a particular point, you sort of get desensitized to it. Just like with anything in life, there comes a time when you simply look beyond that."

"I don't follow." Haruki muttered sickly.

Feeling as though she wasn't explaining it correctly Suzu forced a smile. "I wouldn't say it gets easier. Only that you learn to quantify the experience. Death eventually becomes a number…I know that might seem harsh, but eventually everyone will be forgotten."

"My great grandfather, you loved him…" It wasn't a question, but rather a sad statement. Distance was the only thing keeping Haruki neutral. "Did he love you in return?"

"Did he? I wonder…" Suzu shrugged, her honey colored eyes shimmering with moisture she held back. "It's easy to misplace love for other things. Such as pity. I believe he loved me at one time. However, I think particular prejudice and fear got in the way of it…back then, it wasn't a very opportune time for unusual romances…and, I look like a teenage girl. There would eventually become a time when such a thing simply looked inappropriate."

"Ever think of getting back out there?" Haruki asked as she perched some pocky between her lips. "There are probably all sorts of guys who'd be into you. It's not a taboo anymore, right?"

"Well, no." Suzu considered that with a shrug. "I suppose not. Even so, I just don't think there would ever be another man like him." She pushed some of her short hair behind her ear as she smirked. "It's hard to expect anyone to live up to a past that I've held so fondly for so long…besides, who's to say that my memories are exactly the way things were back then? That I haven't somehow romanticized the past the way people tend to do?"

"Maybe you have." Haruki laughed at that. "Who knows…don't look at me. It's not like I've had a boyfriend ever in my life."

"Speaking of someone who should get out more." Suzu said as she stood from her place and gathered the laundry basket with the mended and folded clothes. "What's wrong? Do you intimidate the boys at the construction site?"

"Umm, not really. It's more like I don't really care. They talk about girls and stuff, but never around me. I also tune out most of what I hear." Haruki answered, brushing away the statement as easily as she could. "Do I look like the type of person who wants some weak boy around?"

"Well, I never said to pick up the first boy you see." Suzu laughed, to which Haruki rolled her eyes. "There are plenty of strong men around too. Good ones, who would be assets in a household like this."

"I suppose, if that's what you're into." Haruki told her not missing a beat. "I'm just not into guys…or I guess, I've just never met one who I really care about."

"Then perhaps you should find a nice girl." Suzu told her, sadness slipping quietly between her words. "You are fortunate that you have a life to live, but you only get one. You should take hold of it while you can."

It was with a casual smirk, and an uplifted eyebrow that Haruki scoffed. "Yeah, and what about you? Follow your own advice…"

"Me?" Suzu shook her head. "With my life experiences, I'm starting to think I'm a cat."

…

At first, the statement had been an amusing one.

Suzu thought it to be spoken mostly in jest, and partially in truth. Who would want a boy their age around? Most were lazy and had other interests. The ones that could withstand Haruki's lifestyle probably had difficulties of their own. Boy's fresh out of high school weren't meant to be fathers, and Haruki was by no means an average young woman on the cusp of her adult life.

At the end of the day, it was really no concern of Suzu's. If Haruki was romantically involved wasn't something she could worry about.

However, it was a big deal to the gaggle of children that depended on her. Haruki knew that, and stuck to her gut instinct. That was the kind of non-committal relationship she needed…where everything else came first, and her own desires fell dead last. Suzu felt as if she should have noticed sooner, but her own past prevented that. She was just as tightly bound to her own promises too. Even if the man she'd made them too was no longer alive to demand that they be done.

Suzu considered that, just as she considered the flavor of strawberry pocky that she held between two fingers. Delicately she ghosted the stick over her lips, the flavor barely reaching her. Just as everything in her life seemed to do. Eluding her grasp, even as she desperately reached out for something to hold onto. That's why, as she'd told Haruki, it was a matter of convince.

She could dive into the daily lives of the children, watch them grow, and live vicariously.

It was one of those long nights where Haruki had class after work. Suzu stayed around, playing with the little ones. She'd seen to dinner, and to their homework, the latter complete with the usual protests. Even so, there was something about those moments. Suzu wished for not the first time she could save those little memories. That she could live through them again and again, to her heart's content.

That, she decided, would not be a terrible way to live her life…and if that could be her future, she would be okay with that.

Such a way of life was impossible, and having come to that conclusion more than once didn't make things any easier. Not even when the woman on her mind walked through the door.

"Tell me that the boys were good today…" Haruki sighed as she leaned heavily on the door. She was tired, stressed out, and worn down.

"Boys are boys." Suzu said with a smile. "They were busy, got into trouble a few times…but nothing out of the ordinary." She got up and got some warm tea from the kitchen, and a plate of food that she'd prepared and kept warmed by the oven. She placed them on the too small table. "I trust you had a good day, in spite of the difficulties?"

"Yeah, more or less." Again, with that seemingly strong, uncaring façade. Haruki fell back on such a look often, especially when she was at her wits end. "Thanks for dinner." She said quietly as she sat down. "You didn't have to do that."

"Of course I did." Suzu murmured as she tended to sprucing up what little was left of the mess in the living area. "The breadwinner needs to eat, else there would be no bread to feed others."

"You know, sometimes you sound like an old married woman." Haruki muttered between bites of chicken and a sip of tea.

"I am an old woman." Suzu said with a laugh. "Even if I was never married."

"You don't look old." Haruki pointed out, her lazy gaze lingering over the woman in question. "Keep this up, and you'll get behind the times for sure. Don't want that to happen do you?"

She did…with all of her heart. She hoped one day she would look as old as she felt. That she would feel the onset of that age that eluded her….and that one day, she could merely sit and enjoy the world going by. In her final few fleeting moments, such a thing would be magical to her. As it stood, she could say nothing to Haruki's retort. Bunching the dishcloth in her hands, she came to sit near the younger woman. "I'm already behind the times, Haruki…and, if things had gone like I'd planned, I would have married that man. That would have made me your relative."

"Well you didn't marry him, dork." Haruki returned, humor shimmering in her eyes. "You're still alive, and like it or not, you're just going to have to keep up."

Suzu smirked with that. "I do a fine job of it, considering how much has changed." Then, in a fit of teasing, Suzu reached over flicking Haruki's ear. "You're the one who's going to get left behind. Your brothers and sisters still have their mother, for now anyway. You should really try to get out and live life more. There's so much to see and to do. You'd know that, if only you'd give it a try."

Suzu had hit the nail squarely on the head.

Truth be told, that's one of the few reasons that Haruki missed being in the black class. She enjoyed the difficulty of the classes, but even life was normal then…well, more normal than her childhood. When she wasn't trying to plan the murder that went southward, she was idly bantering with her classmates. She genuinely enjoyed the small talk, the friendships, and the rivalries…even if they were some of the most vicious, deadly rivalries one could be afforded.

They'd forced her to see what true conviction was, what it meant to really stand her ground.

Before black class, she wondered if she'd have been able to pull through. Planning the ways she did. Setting a plot that could have easily gotten her killed. Surviving that reckless attempt, and being shown kindness in reply…it all had changed her. Forcing her to see tiny little truths about herself that she didn't know were there.

She wanted to be a normal girl, but normal was never written in the stars. It never would be, because she had made promises that set herself up on a higher standard…she'd always had a different goal in mind. Even so, Haruki was never one to back down from a challenge. Not even when it was one that was abstract, and thrust in front of her by another woman…

Actually, Suzu was a safe bet, because she was a woman.

"You're a cat, right?" Haruki murmured quietly. "Get a new life. Choose to start over. You've got nine lives, you should live them too."

"It was just a figure of speech." Suzu said softly, unsure of why Haruki eyed her with a sense of dulled amusement. "Who knows how long I'll live?"

"That could be said about anyone." She neared closer, feeling a cold shiver run down her back. She'd been daring before, but never in a manner such as this. "You talk this big game, but have you really lived your life either?" Haruki shook her head. "It doesn't seem like it, so have you?" She drilled further.

Suzu averted her gaze, wondering if she even had an answer to that herself.

…

The more time she spent with Suzu, the more Haruki realized she was rather comfortable with the girl. Perhaps, in some ways, too comfortable. There was this simple ease she had whenever Suzu was by her side. More than that, though, Haruki began to notice little details.

Things that frightened her in the long run. At first, it was tiny little things, like the way Suzu laughed, or the way her short tresses framed her face. Then it became other things, like the manner in which she washed the rice for dinner, that faraway gaze lingering there. A memory swimming in that foggy water, no doubt.

That same gaze would sometimes fall onto the wall with the carving, or the pebbles in the yard. Those honey colored eyes were so deep, so profound, that she often wondered what kept Suzu trapped. It wasn't just history, it something deeper.

If those were the only things that Haruki noticed, she could have brushed it all off. There came a time when Suzu's presence became so natural, Haruki didn't think otherwise. It even got to the point that Haruki felt a small joy in her heart to see Suzu with her siblings. It was that type of fleeting emotion that lead down other roads. Ones she wasn't adverse to, not exactly…but ones she herself had never faced before.

Thoughts that Suzu was the kind of woman she wanted, if she wanted anyone at all. That nothing could be so beautiful...that motherly side to her both incredibly comforting, and endearing. Those rare moments she dropped her guard were kind of sensual...arousing, and yet, not at all trying to be so.

"You always seem happiest with the baby in your arms." Haruki noted one afternoon when the chill fogged the glass windows, and little hands slapped at it, making prints. Suzu seemed all too content to coo at the small child, taking merriment in the little girl's wonder. "Maybe you should have one of your own."

"Why have my own child, when I have your siblings?" Suzu laughed as she put the baby onto her back and went back to the dishes. "It would be hard to watch a child of my own grow up. Eventually, they would leave me behind too. Besides that, my genetics are a terrible thing. If I passed on my illness, by some strange turn of events, I'd never forgive myself."

"Yeah, I guess." It was an empty agreement, but Haruki didn't think any further on the matter. Instead, she flipped open her phone to check the time. "Hey, Suzu...about before…what if it was you?"

The woman in question shot a glance over her shoulder. "What about me, exactly?"

"Ya know, if it was you." Haruki murmured again, grabbing another stick of pockey from the box on the table. "That I wanted to have a thing with."

Suzu remained quiet for some time, feeling the burn of the question at her back. "That's an odd joke, I'll have you know."

"I wasn't making one." Haruki stood, coming to Suzu's side as she placed a hand on her shoulder. "I don't think I know what I'm doing…and I'm not the most romantic person in the world…this probably sounds really stupid, but I thought maybe you wouldn't mind it."

"When I suggested you consider dating, I meant with someone your own age." Suzu scolded with a shake of her head. "Not a person like myself, who will forever look like some young teenager."

"Hey, if it works out, that just means I have a hot piece of eye candy to look at the rest of my life." Haruki shrugged with a wink. "You're the one who would have to put up with some wrinkly old fart looking at you…if anything, I'd have it easy."

"Making light of the situation doesn't mean anything of the sort." Suzu sighed as she considered the proposition at hand, finding it to be an entirely foolish one. The baby at her back started fussing, and Haruki immediately picked her up, quieting the child who wanted her eldest sister's attention. Suzu could only find warmth in the action, realizing she was still an outsider looking in. "Dating me is a bad idea."

"Suzu, between the two of us, we could probably kill most people in their sleep." Haruki deadpanned. "I know dating you is an absolutely terrible idea…but, I didn't ask to date you. I asked if we could start something." Haruki said then, as she forced Suzu to look at her. "No dates. No stupid promises we can't keep, no weird expectations. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, then it doesn't. We end up wherever it ends up…sound good?"

"Okay…so you're serious." Suzu said slowly, trying to put the fragmented pieces together. "Oh, wow..." She forced herself to think about it, swallowing hard. "I think...I think I need to sit down."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hey all, time for your friendly fan fiction update...

**Forever's Confession**

**Part 3 of 4**

Haruki had to admit that her request came right out of the blue. It blindsided the both of them as her words ran away from her, but she didn't regret saying them. Part of her was actually happy she did. It was like a weight off of mind and her heart. The only problem was, that once her desire slipped from her lips, there was no taking it back. It was etched between them.

A finality of her own whims, stated clearly, and without question.

Haruki hadn't meant to stun Suzu into silence, but she could understand. Saying those things, to another woman at that, wasn't exactly been the most logical thing on the planet. In fact, it wasn't a shock that Suzu was bothered by it either. Even so, that wide eyed gaze was like a nightmare. One that Haruki wanted to wake up from as quickly as possible.

She could remember that blank, ill-stricken gaze clear as day. Indescribable feelings dormant and unspoken. Even so, her stare was frozen, looking into nothingness that the tiled floor provided.

Haruki couldn't burn the image from her mind.

The way that Suzu had just sat there, unmoving, shoulders slumped. The exhale that had fallen from her lips. It was as if she had just been punched in the gut. Curses were muffled by gently gritted teeth. It was a sight both incredibly erotic, and terrifying.

Haruki expected the worst. She waited for the hammer to fall in the worst ways. To be judged, and ridiculed. She waited for anything...for the woman in front of her to get angry, or upset…but Suzu hadn't of that. she hadn't been unkind at all.

If fact she'd been painfully gentle. Suzu said that she needed some space, time to think, and left…She said it while hold Haruki's hand in hers. Trying, perhaps to be a comfort, even if there was none to be had.

...

Several days passed by before Suzu contacted her again. She wanted Haruki to come have a talk, alone.

Haruki didn't know what to think about that, and her worry ran rampant. She could only do so much, and for not the first time, she looked up to the ceiling in her room. The old brush strokes that were there, in the form of a smile. It made her realize how much history she wasn't able to share with Suzu.

Sometimes, she wondered what kind of things Suzu could remember. Those lingering moments were not unlike the usual dusty heartache of loss. If there was redemption in those memories, or not, Haruki didn't know. She didn't have a single clue, and that was just fine. Haruki took a breath to steady herself as she continued to pack an overnight bag.

"That's an awful big bag, Haruki." The woman of the house said with a smirk, true amusement glimmering in her eyes. "Am I to take it that you'll be gone for the evening?"

"Y-yeah, maybe. I'm still thinking about it." Haruki nodded as she packed some clothes for the next day. It felt weird to be so out of sorts. "It depends on if Fuyuka can keep the peace. I don't want you to overdo it by yourself. If everything works out, I'll be crashing at Suzu's place."

It was a mother's way to be as supportive as she could without question. To nod, and offer a passing smile in the face of adversity. To be easy going and care free…gentle, in spite of all of the hardship in front of her. "Haruki, don't worry so much. I can certainly manage the boys for one night." Even casual words were something only a mother could say in such a fashion.

"They're rambunctious…" Haruki pointed out. "And Dai acts like an idiot."

"That's true." Her mother nodded to her. "Even so, they're good boys. They'll listen and do as I tell them."

"Yeah, but that doesn't change anything." Haruki said with a shake of her head. "You usually get tired before the boys go to bed...and don't forget about Jun, I swear she's coming down with a cold."

"I know, but, it doesn't make me incapable." Drawing down the sleeves of her kimono, the woman put the broom to lean on the wall. "You worry, so I've found that it's best for everyone if I simply continue to relax." As mother and daughter, they were close. Maybe because Haruki was the oldest, their bond was stronger because of it. "They see how you act, and they respond to your fears. Fuyuka and Dai too. I try to be strong, Haruki, but you all seem to be less worried when I allow to you manage the house on your own."

"It isn't just about peace of mind. If you push it, you'll end up in the hospital again." Haruki said with a frown. "Of course we don't want that to happen."

"True, but that doesn't render me unable to keep an eye over my own children." That being said, she took a seat on the edge of Haruki's bed. Haruki used it so rarely anymore, as often the smaller children took it over for themselves. "I'm glad you're going to go see Suzu. I was starting to wonder if the girl had come down with an illness, or that maybe, something happened between the two of you."

Haruki just shrugged. "The second one." There was no use in hiding it, and she never kept secrets from her mother. "Not a fight exactly, but a talk." There was no need to keep up airs. The woman saw through all of them anyway. She might have been frail, but she was by no means blind. "Anyway, Suzu invited me, and so yeah..."

"I see." A small smile slipped across her face. "Well, whatever works, I suppose. Lord knows the two of you won't get any peace and quiet around here." She gave her daughter a meaningful look. "To be honest, I expected something like this sooner."

"Mom, it's not like that." Haruki rebuked, seeing the upraised eyebrow her mother had been giving her. "I don't know what you think is going on, but whatever it is, you're wrong." A blush painted her cheeks, and she turned to hide it.

"You don't have to be so shy about it. You're eighteen, it would be only natural." Her mother said with a soft laugh. "At your age I was a newlywed, carrying you. I was surprised it took so long, considering I'd been intimate with him since I was sixteen."

Haruki had the presence of mind to give the woman a dry look. "Mom, really?" Haruki just rolled her eyes and zipped up her bag. "Way too much information. I don't have a boyfriend or anything like that." Her retort went without saying, but her mother's grin persisted, much to her great dismay. "Stop with the look, seriously!"

"You can drop the act, Haruki." The woman chided gently. "I know all too well that women aren't exempt from sleeping with each other." She said with a shrug.

"Mom!" Haruki barked as her eyes shot to the floor. "Come on, do we really have to talk about this?"

"Oh sensitive topic is it?" She asked, amusement twinkling in her eyes. "Well, don't scowl at me like that. I didn't know. We don't prattle on the way we used too, you know. There's nothing wrong with talking about it, though."

"Dear sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph…" Haruki put a hand to her face, trying to ward away the headache forming. "Get a reality check. I'm a virgin." She growled, not exactly surprised that her mother thought otherwise. With a sigh she sat down, pushing her long tendrils of hair away from her face. "Besides, I don't think Suzu swings that way."

"Then my eyes must be deceiving me, it would not be the first time." The woman said as she stood slowly so that she could get back to cleaning the floors. "Listen, I know I've told you this before, but it's true. I just want you to live your life honestly, and happily."

Haruki shook her head. "You're too easy going."

"As a mother of ten, I have to be. If I fussed over every little detail, I'd just worry myself sick." She said with a wistful sigh. "Now then, don't mind the house, it'll be just fine without you for a night." Before she left the room however, she turned to give her daughter one more passing glance. "Oh, and Haruki, one of these days we should go shopping or something. It's been a while since I've been able to hear about your troubles, and I do know you have some."

…

Perhaps if Suzu had been younger, more naive in her years, she wouldn't have been so obviously bothered by the events surrounding her life.

Strange as it seemed however, Haruki's suggestion bothered her a great deal. There was something about it that just didn't seem right. Haruki was unflinchingly oblivious to the insinuations…or, rather, Haruki simply didn't care about them. The other problem came at the expense of something more personal. Suzu had sat in that kitchen chair, blindsided by many emotions.

None of them good.

She didn't feel giddy, as one might expect. Warmth seemed to taper out. Whatever good natured humor she could drag from the recesses of their conversation died on the tip of her tongue. She had been alive for over a century. She might not have looked it, but her age had changed her mind. It wasn't young woman's perspective anymore. It was hardened, and grizzled with her age. True, she kept that side of herself under lock and key often…even so, Haruki was asking for something that would tear down those fragile walls.

Maybe that was a good thing, but at the time, Suzu needed space. She needed solitude, and, more than anything she needed to berate herself. Like it or not, Haruki was merely a child in comparison, and in that mindset, Haruki's suggestion was simply wrong.

That was the mindset Suzu took. She'd have to set the girl on a proper path, away from this self-destructive idea.

It was rare Haruki ever came to her apartment, but Suzu had insisted. This was a conversation for no one else to hear. Suzu had chosen to forego her normal attire that personified her as the teenager she looked to be. Instead, she donned a handcrafted kimono of the era she grew up in. It was old, repaired countless times. The seams were frayed, the fabric soft, and beaten…it was not unlike her own heart in that way…and, not unlike her own drifting expectations of herself.

"Haruki, I want you to know something. Firstly, that I'm flattered by what you intended to ask of me. However, I personally believe that I would be remiss to encourage anything between the two of us." Suzu told her as they sat down at the small two person table she kept in the corner of the apartment. "I'm an old woman. You're still youthful. Too young, I believe, to get involved with me romantically."

"You're too nice about it." Haruki told her, a calm withdrawn look upon her features. "If you don't want to do it Suzu, it's not a big deal…but, if you do want to get involved, don't let something stupid like that stop you. I'm not going to hold anything against you."

Was it truly stupid? Suzu had no way of knowing. This was an unprecedented state of events…even so, some logics earned a rightful place in the deep well of concern. They were real issues, even if Haruki refused to see them as the problems they actually were.

"Living a life like mine is complicated." Suzu finally sighed. "I'm not able to live in one apartment for too long. I'm unable to work in a single place for any length of time. I wouldn't say I put up a façade, but it's not as if many people understand my condition." Truth be told, Suzu didn't want them to. "People expect you to age, so when you don't, it raises eyebrows. In order to live comfortably here, I've had to maintain a low profile. Getting involved with you will turn eyes to the both of us."

Then, an even more bothersome concern came at the expense of Haruki's own wellbeing. "Give thought to yourself as well. You will age, you will outgrow me sooner than you think. Picture a woman in her middle to late twenties sleeping with a fifteen year old. What does that look like to you? The older you get, the worse it will look."

Haruki smirked. "You aren't fifteen."

"No, I'm not…yet the average bystander won't know that, will they?" Suzu said with a hint of coldness.

"I'm more worried about my siblings, to be honest." Haruki muttered.

"They're young." Suzu said with a shake of her head. "If my being with you is something they grow to understand, any questions they have will be innocent and curious. They pose the least of the threat."

"Yeah, well my brothers and sisters are an army in and of themselves." Haruki said as she came full circle. "Look, I'm not dumb…I…I think anyone would be just a little intimidated being with you…being with another person scares me, because hey, I've got everyone else to worry about." She sighed, blowing a jet of air to get the bangs out of her eyes. When that didn't work, she used her fingers. "Fuyuka has her own worries…she leans on mom more than she does anyone else. Dai gets into fights, little shit…and he's the oldest boy. You'd think he'd man up, but he's too young I think, to really understand what that means."

The weight of it all came through the sound of Haruki's voice as it wavered. "Then the rest of them are so little, hell two of them are in training pants at night. The baby is still in diapers…and Aki…god what am I going to do with Aki?"

"The same thing you do every day." Suzu said quietly. "You love them unconditionally, and watch them grow."

At that, Haruki gave Suzu a beseeching glare. "And you say you're old."

"Because I am." Suzu returned with a sigh.

"I feel old." Haruki mumbled, feeling as lost as she could ever be. "I feel like I've been doing this my whole life. I know I've got at least two more years until Fuyuka graduates, and another three after that before Dai does…that means I have to wait at least five more years before I start seeing any real help around the house…and that's provided the two of them don't run away screaming before then."

"You would have been well suited to the old way of life, I think." The woman agreed, as she sighed away some of her inward stress. "You are, in a way, what one would call an old soul."

"My life is really screwed up." Haruki admitted then. "I'm not looking for perfect…and I know there's something to be said about strange sorts of trouble." Loathe though she was to admit it, small parts of her feared for that future, because it was ultimately inevitable. "Are you really that freaked out that I'm going to walk away?" The truth was, Haruki wasn't afraid of the unknown. The unknown she could conjure up from the shadows, and then throw those fears aside.

Haruki just couldn't do that with the things she knew to be true. Those things stuck with her. Inescapable, and entirely worse than any monster her mind could make…because realities were exactly that.

"You're going to walk away." Suzu murmured quietly. "They always do, Haruki…"

"That might be your experience, but I'm not paying for everyone else's crimes." Haruki shot back. "I'm not them, am I?"

"Big words…strong, conviction filled words. They mean nothing though, not when you get right down to it." Suzu said to her, turning resolutely to meet this brazen girl head on. She wondered what she might see, what expression waited for her scrutinizing gaze. "What was it you said? No promises we couldn't keep? Your words sound like promises to me. They sound like things you know you can't keep."

"I didn't make any promises…" Haruki said then with a shrug. "It's not like I love you, or anything like that…but, if it's possible to feel like that towards another person…it would have to be someone like you."

"People turn their back. They close their eyes and walk away…while you're standing there…you might have said those words…told them that you loved them." Suzu began with a heavy hearted sigh. "But in the end, you know, sooner or later that halfhearted murmur they give you in return is filled with doubt. You know they're just saying it in a blind response…the last time I ever said those words, I watched a door in my life close, Haruki…it slammed shut, and I had to watch it happen…I'm not doing it again."

"Good." Haruki said quietly as she pulled Suzu into her arms. "Because I don't love you."

Time slowed, and Suzu sighed into the embrace.

…

Her chest felt heavy. Her throat was bone dry, and the blanket that was around her wasn't nearly warm enough. Not as warm as the arms that held onto her. The apartment was small, and her bed wasn't large enough for two. The woman beside her slept soundly, and how they ended up this way made Suzu's mind stagger. For a person who claimed not to love her, Haruki wouldn't put the idea down…wouldn't let herself get pushed away, and kept trying to smash through Suzu's carefully sculpted mask.

The problem was, it was working…and Suzu felt herself grow weaker, and her protests dying like wisps in her mind. Just like everything else. It was probably emotional exhaustion that made her so tired, and that had lulled Haruki to sleep as well…but that wasn't a comfort.

The warmth of another person was such a far away feeling. The breath upon her neck was something she hadn't felt in a long time. To be held in this way, a way not entirely innocent, and far from explicit made a shiver run down Suzu's spine.

For not the first time, she wondered if those glossy lips were as soft as they looked.

Leaning over, she wanted to capture them for herself. Pushing her hair behind the shell of her ear, she found herself ghosting over the other woman. That was as far as she could bring herself to go. Then guilt set in, and she pulled away, gently drawing herself out of the warm embrace. Shoving aside the thought with a curse she sat at the edge of her bed, looking at the clock.

Thankfully it was the weekend, because they'd really slept in.

It was strange to simply watch another person rest so soundly. Maybe, it shouldn't have been. That the eeriness was something that lingered due to her own discomfort. "You're a foolish girl, aren't you?" It was so soft, she'd thought that Haruki hadn't heard her.

"Hmm, no more than you." The sleepy mumble came. "Are you always so restless?" Haruki asked her as she sat up, rubbing her eyes.

Suzu colored a little pink at that. "No." She said with quick and sharp grimace. "Well, I mean…not always. I just...I'm used to sleeping alone."

"Yeah, well get unused to it." Haruki yawned and pulled her phone out of her. "Start crashing at my place, and you won't have a choice."

"I would never dream to do that." Suzu said with a firm shake of her head. "That would be an imposition."

"As much of one as leaning over to kiss an innocently sleeping person unaware?" Her smile was sleepy, but smug as she leaned in closer. "You're tense."

"H-Haruki what do you think you're doing?" Backing up only trapped her between the wall and Haruki. "I realized the error of my ways." Suzu murmured uneasily. "You, however, don't seem as forwardly thinking."

Haruki let her smile fade, as she turned her head to the side to the slightest bit. "You're the one with experience…" Such a thought did worry her. It bothered her so terribly, she wondered if Suzu would ever truly understand. "Then again…that's probably why you don't want to kiss me, right? It's like you said, I'm so much younger than you." She pulled away then, pushing away her disappointment in herself. "Things are always bad the first time…that's how it goes, or so they say."

"I'm not the type of person who thinks of it that way." Suzu replied with a shake of her head. She watched the girl in front of her carefully. "Besides one experience is not exactly the same as another."

"Hey, don't worry about it, okay?" Haruki began running her hairbrush through her long tendrils, acting as though their moment of closeness had never even happened. "It doesn't bother me, like I said. No big deal."

Suzu cursed as she forced air sharply through her nose. "One of us is going to grow to regret this." It was the cold, burdensome truth she felt deep inside. It boggled her. Even in spite of that, she found herself clearing the distance between the two of them. She took hold of Haruki's chin firmly between her thumb and first finger. "You get that, don't you?" She asked quietly, ice shattering from around her normally calm voice. "This is destructive."

"I once fought so hard, I didn't even care if I killed myself." Haruki murmured then. "How could this be worse?" With a sad little smile she closed her eyes and sighed. "I'm a destructive person, Suzu."

Suzu wasn't sure, and she swallowed hard. "It's going to be worse…" She said then. "Somehow, that's inevitable."

Knowing that didn't stop her. Instead, it set her heart into a fit, asking questions she would never be able to answer. She pushed long red locks away from the girl's face. She was just a girl after all, hardly a woman. So young, that youthful uneasiness shimmering in Haruki's eyes. Suzu squashed down her screaming mind as she let her lips press into Haruki's own. Innocent as it could be, but meaningful. Slowly she pulled away. "Do you still want to be 'a thing' as you call it, knowing what you know?"

Haruki nodded, wrapping her arms around Suzu's shoulders, suddenly feeling nervous. "Yeah, I do."

Locked gazes spoke of more than just the simple truth…it demanded so much more. Confessing was easy, the status quo thing to do. It was knowing where to draw the line that became the hard part. Suzu thought it was like a terrible game, one that wasn't really all that funny.

It was anything but that, as fingers on the back of her neck shook. Haruki was looking for approval, and guidance. All of the girl's earlier bluster having vanished.

"Okay…" Suzu said as her chest constricted tightly. "Okay fine, we'll give it a try."

It was strange at first, muddling through one very awkward, yet intimate kiss. Lips parting only the slightest bit. Timid resolve demanded to be the catalyst between the two of them. Fingers cupping cheeks, and weaving unsteadily through hair. A tiny murmur became something of a plea, and when they parted, Suzu cleared her throat looking away with crimson painted cheeks.

When she let her eyes trail back to Haruki, she noticed that same shyness, uncertainty, and a ghosting smile.

…

Trying to find time in their routine wasn't going to be easy. They had to keep things normal for the of Haruki's siblings. There were nine of them, and not all of them were old enough to understand…in fact, many of them were only old enough to be confused, but complacent. Having the nearness of family was as wonderful as it was strangely awkward.

"Where's Ki-chan?" Jun, one of the younger girls in the family asked as she clutched onto her teddy bear in place of her brother.

"Haruki's working." Suzu said quietly as she sat looking idly at the job listings. "Why, do you need something?"

A small blush crept up upon her cheeks when she held up the side to her skirt. "It ripped." The girl chirped, shyly. "Sis can mend it, can't she?"

"Give it here." Suzu said then. "I'll mend it for you. That way, you won't have to wait." The little girl nodded, slipping out of her skirt and giving it to Suzu before padding off in the direction of the laundry room to go get something else to wear. When she finally returned with a pair of pink overalls Suzu regarded her slowly. "The boys are outside playing, correct?"

"Dai and the others are." She said after a moment to think. "Aki followed them and said girls couldn't come."

"Boys like to play alone some times." Suzu said with a nod. "You like to do some things with just girls, right?"

"Some things, with Ki-chan." The girl said with a nod, before a smile began to spread across her face. "Ki-chan, Fuyuka, and mom."

That caused Suzu to laugh, the simplicity a welcome one. "Well then, I'm sorry I'm such a poor substitute." Even so, as she continued to mend the ripped skirt, she felt those golden colored eyes on her. "What kinds of things do you all do together?"

"Bake…sometimes…" The quiet girl noted as she sat down beside Suzu. "Paint our nails. Ki-chan braids my hair." She hid her face behind the soft brown bear she carried around with her. "Fuyuka sings…mom reads…or she makes clothes from old cloth." She edged a little closer. "Daddy used to make wooden dolls."

Suzu lifted her eyes from her work. "Wood carvings, you mean?" Such a thought made her smile. "You know, back when I was your age, I would sit on my father's lap while he whittled away at a small blocks of wood." Such bygone days were hard come by anymore. "Used to make all sorts of things, like horses and wagons. He even built me a doll house once, for my fifth birthday."

"You must have had a good dad." Jun nodded, looking out the window and down the street. "Mine ran away." It was so matter-of-fact, lacking sadness where one might expect it. "So, I never got to have a doll house. Just a doll that mom makes dresses for. So that we can match."

"Well, maybe he'll be back, someday." Suzu said weakly, hoping such a thing would be enough.

She wondered what happened to him. She couldn't believe that a man of the Sagae family would just run away. They had more honor than, more reason to stay and protect what was theirs. They were kind men, often stern, but always able to see reason. A man like that would be one of the last to avoid his responsibilities, unless, it had been the best thing he could do for them. Suzu wasn't sure, but the house seemed empty without him…at least, she knew that he had been loved, and seemed greatly missed.

...

"What happened here, Haruki?" Suzu asked late one night. "Where did your father go?"

It was a pressing question, and the answer was one that made her such in a breath. "I don't know." She murmured, biting her lower lip. Doubt was the excuse she used the most, falling back on it like the comfort that it was.

"There's something that's bothering me." Suzu said quietly, putting a hand over Haruki's own, an action she was still trying to get used to. "I can do the math, Haruki. Your baby sister is evidence enough that your father is somewhere nearby. The age difference between her and the others...it's obvious. It's simply too vast for him to have left long ago."

"Well, in her mind, she'll always be my sister." Haruki said without really thinking too hard about it. "Truth is, she's probably a distant cousin."

"A cousin?" Suzu asked, confused and slightly bothered by that admission.

"Dad had two brothers and one sister growing up…so, everyone you see here are related to me in some way." Haruki shrugged, at the look Suzu gave her. "Sagae was my father's last name…but only Fuyuka, Aki and I are related by blood…the Sagae family has ties to gangs, to keep us safe, my dad had to leave. Every now and then, a new baby shows up on the porch. Mom once told me it's because they were too young to train into fighting. Because they would have no memory of their parents, they could live blissfully unaware. I'm guessing it's my dad who drops them here."

"Jun too?" Suzu asked, haunted. "But that implication is just…" Suzu couldn't bring herself to think about that. "Haruki, surely someone would have come around for them by now. There's no way they'd be left forgotten. Not unless…" It was a hard answer to swallow, one that was left ambiguous, but so clear that Suzu began to feel ill at the mere thought.

Haruki nodded, and sighed. "For a long time, it was just me, and Fuyuka who was two years younger." She explained distantly, feeling a faraway weight settle atop her shoulders. "One day, dad came home with a huge gash on his arm, and a blood soaked towel with a baby boy inside. It turned out to be Dai. I remember it, because during that next week dad taught me how to use razor wire, and I began training in hand to hand combat."

"Did he think you were going to get involved with the gang when you got older?" Suzu asked, wondering what would possess a father to each his child how to kill. "Or, was it merely just so you could defend yourself?"

"I don't know…all that he told us was that Dai was our baby brother. Fuyuka was too little to really get it though." She could feel Suzu wrap her arms around her, and she leaned into the warmth. "That's kind of how it went…dad would train me, then leave and go missing every now and then. Sometimes, he came home with a baby, and we never thought anything of it. Dai, and the older boys never really knew the truth. Dad was around, so they just thought they were part of some big, happy family…then Aki was born, and things changed."

"That's around the time when he left?" Suzu assumed but Haruki shook her head. "What happened then, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Aki was born premature. He was up at the hospital for a few months before he could come home…but he didn't come home alone. Jun was with him. Fuyuka and I grilled mom about it, and that's when she told us about the gangs and that these kids were relatives." She scratched the back of her head, feeling a little awkward, before she forced a smile. "Anyway, Jun and Aki are actually fairly close in age, that's why Jun follows him everywhere. The twin toddlers were the last two he brought home in person, and when dad did, he pulled me aside. Dad told me it was time to makes some choices…he left and didn't come back…though, about a month before black class started, the baby showed up on our doorstep."

"I'm sorry you had to suffer." Suzu murmured, holding Haruki just a little tighter in their embrace. "If I could, I'd make it so that you never did."

"I know it might seem that way, but I'm not." In fact, in spite of the difficulty, and the worry that lingered in her mind, she was happy. She turned leaning into Suzu, lips brushing against lips, their bodies closer that Haruki intended for them to be. "I'm happy, because I get to be with you. I really do enjoy having a big family, it's warm, and comfortable…even if it is crazy."

This kiss, like all of the others they'd shared in recent days made Haruki's heart stutter, as she clenched her eyes closed uneasily. She didn't want to admit how strange it felt. Frightening and exciting. Comfort melding with unease. She leaned heavily into Suzu as they melted into each other, and into the searing kiss that left them always wanting more…both hesitating to broach that uncomfortable topic.

Soft caresses and barely there murmurs slipped between them as Suzu switched their positions. It was only then that Haruki's eyes snapped open as they broke the kiss. Golden eyes looked away, shame lingering as her fingers pulled away from Suzu's soft locks. Shyly, she pulled her arms up around herself, gripping at the cloth of her shirt softly.

"S-sorry." Haruki breathed, still refusing to look at Suzu in the eyes.

At that, Suzu let a chuckle slip from her lips. "Brat…" She said as she drew herself up back into a sitting position, pulling Haruki's head and shoulders into her lap. "Don't worry about it."

"Kiss me." Haruki muttered as she looked up from her spot.

Suzu merely smiled, leaning down, watching as Haruki tensed again only slightly. If it was from anticipation of fear, Suzu wasn't sure. She ghosted her lips over the girl's own before deciding better of it. Instead, she place a kiss atop the Haruki's forehead instead. "Give it time, Haruki, you'll get used to it."


End file.
